Breaking News : Elway’s Broncos Release Two Perpetual Kneelers: “More Trouble Than They’re Worth”

The first time it happened, Elway stormed the field personally and fired them on the spot. After a tussle with the Player’s Association, however, the two were reinstated. “He can’t tell us what to do in San Fransisco or New York,” said wide receiver DeJ’ose Barron, “he has no control when it’s not his field.”

The technicality worked well for both Barron and teammate, defensive end Lavart Tubolls until recently, when Elway announced he’d cut the players and send them into unrestricted free agency. “Go ahead and see if anyone will sign you,” Elway said to reporters, “ask Colin Kaepernick how things are going.”

The next move for the players is to try to sue the Broncos for their salaries for the season, which Elway already says he’ll be “happy to pay to get rid of them.” He’s not messing around.Our sports desk has been fielding questions all day about our source for the story since we seem to have it and Sports Illustrated doesn’t. That’s because we tend to be a little bit looser with liberal standards of journalisticatin’, meaning we’re willing to get you totally unvetted information that you can go ahead and do with as you please.

Our inside source claims to have no more than 2nd or 3rd-hand knowledge of the situation and may or may not be credible. God Bless America.